To the [expletive] who stole my bike this week

An open letter:

Thanks so much for stealing my bike out of my backyard this week. Here are some things I am looking forward to:

-Locking up my girlfriend's bike and any future bike I might have every time I use it, even though they are OUT OF SIGHT of the road

-Closing my back window, which previously served as a in/out door for my cat, and to keep the house cool.

-Locking every door in the house, which until now, were open, making my life simple.

-Being forced to jog, go to the gym, or carry out some other kind of exercise when I don't have time to hike. Yes, I used to use the bike to exercise in a much more pleasant way to exercise than running or being forced indoors.

I'd also like to thank you for making me suspicious of my neighbors- the ones I don't know anyway.

Finally, just to let you know, you can still return the bike to my house with no questions asked and I will not contact the police. I will, however, beat the everlasting snot out of you.