Results tagged “The End of TV” from The Mayor of Television

Michael Hirschorn has an interesting piece that may serve as a eulogy for TV As We Know It at TheAtlantic.com, entitled, appropriately enough, "The Future is Cheese."

Hirschorn links two events - NBC announcing Jay Leno's move to primetime and "Heroes" creator Tim Kring lamenting that only "saps and dipsh!ts" watch his show Mondays at 9 on an NBC affiliate - to underscore the dire straits the broadcast networks find themselves in.

Kring isn't entirely wrong, Hirschorn says - it's much more satisfying to watch multiple episodes of a highly serialized show back-to-back than to visit it once a week cluttered with commercials, so such a show's very ambition and the fact that it's so costly to make turns it into an albatross for the broadcast networks, who can cut costs massively by stripping Leno across its weeknight schedule.

He continues:

"(T)he problem is what I'd call cultural attention-deficit disorder, which afflicts the consumer bombarded with choices: more TV networks ... more video games, more Web sites, and more ways to consume shows than ever before (VOD, DVD, PPV, etc., etc.). ... Amid the chaos, it's difficult for a media consumer to care enough about any one thing to stick with it--and for a network trying to build allegiance to a brand, convincing anyone that what you're showing matters becomes almost impossible."

And concludes that in the era of niche programming, the quality shows will continue to migrate to cable, where they're content with smaller audiences, while the networks will continue to trot out flotsam like "Superstars of Dance."

What's fascinating is not just that it's true, but that the guy writing this - and kinda sorta passing judgment on bad TV - was named "Mr. Bad Taste" by the New York Observer back when he was running VH1 and junking it up with stuff like "Flavor of Love." In the piece, Hirschorn calls a book by John Seabrook, called "Nobrow: The Culture of Marketing, the Marketing of Culture" a major influence on his life and says, "I haven't resolved that conflict -- if I'd like to be a populist or highbrow."

So TV's troubled future is a win-win for him, if for nobody else.

("Surviving Suburbia" can only be seen on a television console like this. And, you'll need to get the digital conversion box.)

Once upon a time, The CW, a scrappy, essentially non-existent television network, decided that programming its primetime schedule was a bit of a hassle. "Why bother?" wondered the well-heeled executives at The CW. "It's not like anyone will bother to watch the shows, anyway."

That's what's known as a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So The CW turned its Sunday-night programming bloc over to a consortium known as Generic Media, or thereabouts, and that company proved good to its word, slapping together and churning out some tepid, eminently forgettable shows that, indeed, no one watched and that The CW cancelled within a few weeks, which is saying something, because The CW rarely cancels anything; they just let their shows sputter along, alone and unwatched and unloved, until the series order plays out and the showrunners themselves plead for the sweet release that death brings.

Ah, but here's the plot twist - The CW cancelled Generic Media's Sunday programming so quickly that one of the shows scheduled to appear in that bloc, a sitcom generically entitled "Surviving Suburbia," never even managed to get on the air. So you know it had to have been good. America was spared having to be exposed to this abomination.

But wait! "Surviving Suburbia" just happened to star Bob Saget, who is actually very funny (see "The Aristocrats" if you don't believe it) when he's not actually on TV, and the ABC Television Network has a "relationship" with Mr. Saget, and the ABC Television Network was hurting for programming because of the writers strike.

(Mr. Saget in happier, more-innocent-headshot days.)

So the ABC Television Network, demonstrating a sense of responsibility akin to that of Homer Simpson's work at Springfield's nuclear power plant, picked up the 13 episodes of "Surviving Suburbia" and will foist them upon an unsuspecting America come April.

Here are actual words from ABC's press release:

* "Cookie cutter"

* "Steve maintains a rather cynical point of view on family, friends, neighbors, society ... as he tries to survive suburban life."

* "Why do kids' classroom projects inevitably become the parents' responsibility?"

(The subtle message Mr. Saget is attempting to impart to America with "Surviving Suburbia.")

In short: A show not good enough for The CW is coming to ABC.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Macrovision has sold the TV Guide network for $300 million. $300 million! Basically, it's just an endless scroll of listings of what you could be watching on other channels if you were smarter, which seems a nice enough service except for the fact that your cable or satellite operator provides a much nicer and more interactive service that allows you to find exactly what you're looking for far more quickly.

So TV Guide network also shows (in a little picture at the top of the screen) an endless loop of breathtakingly banal celebrity interviews and red-carpet claptrap - it's like "Entertainment Tonight" 24/7, and if that idea isn't enough for you to want to put out your eyes, nothing is. And, the new owners say that eventually they'll phase out the TV listings, so that even the people who don't know how to use the interactive listings service will have no reason to watch. $300 million! And they thought Bernard Madoff swindled people.

It's like dinosaurs investing in tar pits.

*

Friend to Your Mayor Alan Sepinwall offers a eulogy of sorts for NBC in the wake of the Jay Leno deal - he chillingly reckons that next fall, NBC may have only six hours of original scripted programming on its air, putting it not too far off from, say, TNT or FX. And he offers this sad but wonderful metaphor:

"(T)he networks are Wile E. Coyote running off a cliff. So long as they pump their legs and assume there's solid ground beneath their feet, they get to keep moving. But as soon as one of them gives up and looks at where it is, as NBC has with the Jay Leno deal, there's nowhere to go but way, way down."

A couple of articles today take the networks to task for being so unforthcoming with, well, shows we'd like to watch.

USA Today's Robert Bianco offers the networks some no doubt unwanted advice. A lot of it's stuff we've been saying here, but it bears repeating:

* Come up with your own shows, and quit swiping ideas from overseas ("This willingness to base U.S. schedules on foreign ratings reflects both a laziness and a lack of confidence among network executives," Bianco notes).

* Would it kill you to cook up a funny comedy?

* And developing shows on the fly clearly doesn't work (as "My Own Worst Enemy" - four million viewers last night - and "Kath & Kim" demonstrate).

Meanwhile, David Bianculli waxes nostalgic for the days when a sweeps month (such as this one) once meant some genuinely interesting, eye-popping programming from the broadcast networks, not just a guest appearance by Whoopi Goldberg on "Life on Mars."

By his reckoning, there are three pieces of event-like programming coming our way this month: Fox's "24: Redemption" (Nov. 23), HBO's Ricky Gervais stand-up special (this Saturday) and FX's series finale of "The Shield." Sounds about right to me, though he may be forgetting Fine Living Nework's Sunday-after-Thanksgiving mini-marathon of "Whatever, Martha!"

Two of those, Bianculli points out, are on cable, not the broadcast networks. It's like they've just given up.

The CW is going to regret not holding onto wrestling. (The CW is going to regret almost everything, but that's another story.) Its tradeoff - the new Sunday night lineup provided to them by Media Rights Capital (because, you know, programming a TV network shouldn't be left to network programmers) - was pretty much a tank job.

"In Harm's Way" opened the evening with a mere 676,000 viewers, which is even fewer people than watched the network's disastrous programming at the same time last year. To put this in perspective - this is as if everyone in Sarah Palin's home state watched The CW, but no one else in the rest of the country. Cable networks get more viewers, and The CW is purportedly a broadcast network.

(Members of the cast of "Valentine" perform the ritualistic Dance to Ward Off Viewers.)

Not faring much better was "Valentine" and "Easy Money," which both managed about 1.1 million viewers, again down from last year's abysmal ratings. And it's doubtful that anyone who saw those shows will be clamoring for return visits.

But the bad news wasn't The CW's alone - "Desperate Housewives" lost three million viewers from its season premiere the previous week, with 15.5 million tuning in last night. Guess people weren't all that thrilled with the jump ahead in time storyline.

The real job intrudes today. In the meantime, here's a little Emmy story that'll appear in print tomorrow:

If the evocative advertising-world drama "Mad Men" wins the Emmy for Outstanding Drama Series on Sunday, as many expect it to, it could signal a sea change in television's tremulous new world order. It will serve as a tacit admission that not only are viewers slowly but surely migrating from the broadcast networks to cable, but the quality programming is, as well.

And for that reason alone, it may not happen. The Academy of Television Arts and Sciences is hopelessly old-school, largely considering broadcast TV to be, if not the only game in town, then at least the only one worth aspiring to. The pay's better, potential payoffs are off-the-chart and the challenges are greater at the Big Four.

(Archaeologists recently unearthed this early, rejected, design for the Emmy trophy.)

It's tougher to create something good intended for a mass audience for network executives who love to interfere with the creative process than it is for a niche programmer whose tolerance for artistic freedom can result in works of recherché, if precious, brilliance. So that trade-off (or sell-out), to voters' minds, deserves accolades.

Consider: HBO's "The Sopranos" didn't win the Outstanding Drama Series Emmy until its fifth season, and won only twice in its seven seasons. It took a long time to for ATAS to acknowledge that HBO truly belonged on the same landscape as the broadcast networks when it came to the major awards.

A basic cable series, on the other hand, had never even nominated before in either the drama or comedy series category before this season, and this year, there were two. In addition to AMC's "Mad Men," FX's legal thriller "Damages" was nominated for Outstanding Drama Series. They're joined by Showtime's tension-filled serial-killer saga "Dexter," Fox's snarky medical mystery "House," ABC's mythology-laden cult hit "Lost" and ABC's venerable dramedy "Boston Legal."

In "Mad Men's" favor is the fact that it was returning for its second season to even more acclaim as Emmy ballots were reaching voters' hands, something none of the other shows can boast. (In "Damages"' case, it's been off the air for over a year, which really, well, damages its chances for a win.)

(Some historians consider this the first "For Your Consideration" ad. They're just not sure what show it was for.)

Working against "Mad Men" is a not-so-well-kept secret of the Emmys (and the Oscars, for that matter): They don't really reward the best entertainment, but the best of mainstream entertainment. Audiences for "Mad Men" (and, for that matter, "Dexter" and "Damages") is a fraction of that of "House" or "Lost."

But that perception has been changing, slightly, thanks in large part to TV comedy's flagging fortunes. "Arrested Development" won the 2003/04 Outstanding Comedy Series Emmy after struggling through its first season, but its audience never grew and it was eventually cancelled.

"30 Rock" won the trophy last year - and is pretty much expected to again on Sunday - but saw virtually no uptick in viewership this past season. Given the vast potential audience for American television, these shows' audiences aren't appreciably larger than those for "Mad Men."

TV audiences have grown so fractured that the notion of "mainstream" entertainment has been greatly diminished. If "Mad Men" does indeed win on Sunday, it will be proof that the Academy has accepted this fact. If not, it'll simply mean they're still stuck in what Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross called the "denial" stage in accepting the inevitable.

(Scholars are trying to discern whether this Hurricane Ike photo is a metaphor for the broadcast networks.)

Even someone who can only aspire to the job title of burglar knows that even when the lights are on that doesn't necessarily mean that anyone's home. Likewise, TV viewers understand that just because the broadcast networks are insisting their lights are still on by touting original summer programming, that doesn't mean it's anything to stay home for.

Mediaweek reports that the networks' summer reality programming isn't exactly cutting it. Well, "Hell's Kitchen" and "So You Think You Can Dance" is doing all right on Fox, and "Million-Dollar Password" is doing OK for CBS. But CBS's scripted show "Swingtown" is one of the most popular summer series so far, suggesting that not all viewers simply snap off their brains at the summer equinox.

The networks feel they have to trot out torpid nonsense like "Celebrity Circus," "Baby Borrowers" (debuting next week) and "Greatest American Dog" (coming July 10) because scripted shows don't repeat nearly as well as they used to. But look at last night: The highest-rated shows were repeats of "House," "Bones," "Two and a Half Men" and "CSI: Miami," while NBC's "American Gladiators" and "Nashville Star" and ABC's "Bachelorette" were pretty underwhelming, while "The Mole" absolutely tanked - more people watched Nickelodeon's "iCarly Saves TV" last Friday, a night with far fewer viewers available, than "The Mole."

And next month, cable really uncorks its arsenal of original scripted series, which will really drain viewers away from the broadcast networks. Here's a list of some of the programs:

Tuesday, July 1: "Secret Life of the American Teenager" (ABC Family)
Thursday, July 10: "Burn Notice" (USA)

Sunday, July 13: "Generation Kill" (HBO)
Monday, July 14: "The Closer"/"Saving Grace" (TNT)
Tuesday, July 15: "The Cleaner" (A&E)
Friday, July 18: "Monk"/"Psyche" (USA)
Sunday, July 27: "Mad Men" (AMC)

Among the broadcast networks, during that time only CBS will present a new scripted show, "Flashpoint," on Friday, July 11. I haven't seen "Secret Life of the American Teenager" (not to be confused, I hope, with Showtime's "Secret Diary of a Call Girl") or "The Cleaner" yet, but all of those other shows are as good as if not better than anything the broadcast networks offer.

In recent years, the broadcast networks have lost a sizable chunk of audience from fall to fall as more viewers venture out and dip a toe into the cable waters, like what they see and not feel the need to return. Network executives insist that airing dreck like CBS's upcoming reality competition "Jingles" (in which contestants write tunes for commercials - that'll be thrilling TV) does, in fact, constitute something more than simply airing test patterns, but audiences are clearly not buying their argument, so these executives are clearly just whistling past the graveyard as they load their summer schedules with shows determined to drive away their viewers and hoping for the best come fall.

What's wrong with putting some decent TV on during the summer? As media analyst John Rash put it, "Individual program costs need to be weighed. But the price paid in eroding audiences also has to be considered."

In the wake of our story yesterday on the critical situation facing the broadcast networks this upfront week come more stories on the miserable downturn in viewership for the broadcast networks and What It All Might Mean. But really, if I do say so myself, just read mine and save yourself some time.

So in the meantime, Variety indulges in its annual speculation and scooping as to what shows might be making it to the air come fall and what might not be returning ("Boston Legal" has apparently dodged a bullet, while the creators of Fox's "Back To You" will go back to the drawing board.) Given that the writers strike pretty much scrapped pilot season, drastically reducing the number of potential new shows, here's how bad things are for ABC: They haven't outright cancelled their low-rated new series "Miss Guided" and "Eli Stone."

So what may be turning up? A lot of shows based on shows from overseas.

* ABC's got "Life on Mars," based on a terrific British TV series about a police detective whose partner is kidnapped when he's hit by a car ... and wakes up in the macho '70s, where cop precincts were modeled after "Starsky & Hutch." It was developed for the network by David E. Kelley, but that's where the good news ends. The bad news is the original series only went 16 episodes, less than one season of American TV; to keep it afloat, they'll pretty much have to ignore all the stuff about his efforts to return to the present day and save his partner. Worse, ABC is said to be handing the show over to Josh Appelbaum, Andre Nemec and Scott Rosenberg - the guys behind the god-awful "October Road." So don't expect any character motivations to make an ounce of sense.

ABC has also ordered an animated series from Mike Judge ("King of the Hill," "Beavis & Butt-head"), "The Goode Family, and a reality show, "Opportunity Knocks," in which a game show comes to an unsuspecting contestant's home. ABC may be ramping up production quickly for midseason, so it can rid itself of the "Eli Stones" of its schedule in a timely fashion.

* CBS has reportedly ordered six new shows, including two new sitcoms for a second sitcom bloc on its schedule. Sitcoms include "Worst Week," based, again, on a very funny (but intentionally limited to 17 episodes) British series about a couple's disastrous wedding preparations (ABC's "Big Day" mined this territory a couple seasons back; it got cancelled), and "Project Gary," starring Jay Mohr as a divorced father re-entering the dating world.

CBS dramas may include "The Ex List," based on an Israeli TV show about a woman who's told by a psychic that she's already met Mr. Right (if she pays attention to tarot cards, she gets everything she deserves), and "Eleventh Hour," adapted from a British iteration of "The X-Files" and produced, inevitably, by Jerry Bruckheimer. Also possibly on tap: "The Mentalist," which isn't based on an overseas show but does sound suspiciously like an unfunny version of "Psych," and "Harper's Island," a murder-mystery-at-a-wedding drama that'll probably be too serialized to succeed.

* Fox, as we've previously noted, has Joss Whedon's "Dollhouse" and J.J. Abrams' "Fringe" up for midseason. It'll add the comedies "The Inn," about a trendy Manhattan hotel from an "Arrested Development" writer (the pilot was directed by "AD's" Jason Bateman) and "Class Dismissed," an animated show based on a British show that was adapted by "AD's" Mitch Hurwitz (and features Bateman's vocal talents) but won't likely benefit from his input on a daily basis. Are you clear on all that "AD" cross-pollination?

* Oh, and The CW has some stuff going on, including that "Beverly Hills, 90210" rehash and a last-second reprieve for "Reaper," but you know, it's just hard to care.

But you know what? None of this matters, because ...

On top of all this, word comes that the networks have little faith in the palliative negotiating abilities of AMPTP's Nick Counter and are indeed bracing for an actors strike. In which case, scratch all this and get ready for the uproarious raucous reality show "Funny Dogs in Hats."

On April 8, CBS is uncorking the awkwardly titled reality-competition show "Secret Talents of the Stars." This is what they plan on subjecting you to (all of this is real, per CBS's press release):

* Clint Black will perform stand-up comedy.

* George Takei - Mr. Sulu! - will croon country tunes.

* Malcolm-Jamal Warner, accompanied by "a Hip Hop Orchestra," will play bass guitar and perform an original song.

* Marla Maples - the former Mrs. Donald Trump - will perform a gymnastic routine with The Anti-Gravity Troupe including aerial flips and bungee stunts.

* Sasha Cohen (the Olympic medalist figure skater, not Borat) will perform contortionist moves with the New Shanghai Circus. Which seems to me a bit of a cheat - she was a gymnast before turning to figure skating.

* Wrestler Ric Flair, apparently spurned by "Dancing with the Stars," will dance the salsa.

* Former boxer Joe Frazier will sing rhythm & blues.

* Model Bridget Marquardt will perform trapeze stunts with ex-Cirque du Soleil acrobats.

* Sheila E. will juggle with The Flying Karamazov Brothers.

* Boxer Roy Jones, Jr. will rap.

* "Spokesmodel" Cindy Margolis will perform magic. Can she make my TV disappear while this show is on?

* Mya will tap-dance. Yes, a broadcast television network will devote some of its primetime air to an actress/singer you've heard of but can't quite place tap-dancing.

* Actor/radio DJ/reality-show addict Danny Bonaduce will ride a unicycle with members of The Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus. Oh, geez - bring Mya back.

* "Pop culture personality" Ben Stein will dance The Jitterbug. Bring back Bonaduce.

This shouldn't be allowed to happen in a nation where firearms are readily available.

Here's yet another reason why those crappy ratings we've been discussing all day won't go away anytime soon: CBS has ordered eight episodes of "Jingles," a reality-competition soul-drainer where contestants compete to create musical ditties for real products.

"This show is sort of like 'America's Got Talent' but with a purpose," said Mark Burnett, not even sounding particularly enthused about the idea himself but willing to suffer the indignity of signing the back of yet another paycheck in order to poison the airwaves further with another show trucking in shameless product placement like his other shows, "Survivor" and "The Apprentice," already do.

"A purpose." Well, if cooking up something along the lines of "My baloney has a first name ..." or "Flat buns - I like flat buns" or "588-2300 - Empire" represents a "purpose" in this world, then I suppose that Americans were pretty heroic after all when we rose to President Bush's challenge to "go shopping" after 9/11.

Each episode will feature the contestants being introduced to a new product: "Mattel's New Lead-Based Chinese Barbie features 30% less toxic lead than previous Barbies, and girls love the Barbie brand!" And then viewers will have to listen to the mind-numbingly condescending ad pitches and, if they're not in a thoroughly stuporous state at that point, they can bother to vote on which one they found least objectionable and insulting.

Actually, I'm pretty sure the "purpose" of "Jingles" is to get people like me to, repeatedly and with extreme prejudice, gouge out my eyeballs and puncture my eardrums with an icepick.

Another day, another End-is-Nigh study on the status of Television:

"The American Life Survey, conducted in early May, found that 38 percent of U.S. adults say they enjoy primetime less this year than in previous years. Thirty-six percent reported no change, while 26 percent said they were enjoying it more. Perhaps more telling, 48 percent said that watching primetime this year was less important compared with past years, compared with 32 percent who reported no change and 19 percent who said it was more important."

The culprit? You guessed it: DVRs and programming available on the Internets. Knowing you can watch something anytime you want kinda drains it of all its joy.

Rich Luker, who worked on the study, says, "There is no time-fueled excitement associated with watching video. Watching primetime TV used to be a complete experience. Now it's no different than a book on my shelf, a board game in the closet, and the local park. All are options of wonderful fun things to do with no sense of urgency to get at doing them."

My dog might take issue with the notion that there's no sense of urgency in getting to the local park, and Luker has clearly failed to take into account Boggle sitting in that theoretical closet. Nonetheless, the argument makes sense, and begs the question:

What should the networks be focusing on creating - shows you'll be compelled to TiVo ("The Sopranos," "House," etc.; that is, shows you seek out to view with consumer loyalty) or more impulse buys, disposable products that you wouldn't set aside for a rainy day but will watch if you want to watch something mind-numbing at any particular moment ("Deal or No Deal," "So You Think You Can Dance")?

Thoughts?