Rosie O'Laureate

Love haiku? Love Rosie O'Donnell? Love babbling (which you must if you're at Hollywoood Babble-On)? You owe it to yourself to go to Rosie's personal blog, which is written entirely in haiku-like, e.e. cummings-punctuated (that's no capital letters, hombre) verse.

How many other stars -- and no, Wil Wheaton ain't a star, people, just a geek like me (albeit a geek who did a few more seasons than I did on "Star Trek") -- as I was saying ... how many other stars blog so up close and personal-like, and in psuedo poetry, for that matter? I will answer for you. There is no one but Rosie O'Donnell who does this. And I love her for it. I feel all Out in Hollywood-y all of a sudden -- Greg, you should be blogging about this, not me. But the "r blog," as it is titled, is just one of those things -- you just can't look away.

What I do admire Rosie for is her honesty, frankness and, let's face it, Rosieness.

She hits three major topics in four -- shall I call them "quatrains"? -- here:

can we not
paint numbers
on runways
huge ones

i met with standards and practices 2 day
they told me all the stuff i know
still made me panic
a little

i only cursed once
in 6 years of live tv
i said
all this useless shit stuck in my head
to lucie arnaz i believe
oops

jonbenet
wax on wax off
creepy all around
doubt returns

She has a hurricane warning:

here comes ernesto
panic returns
inside all
please no

And here she is on the Emmys:

saw kathy griffin
who bounced over in her beautiful
brown famous gay gown
i like her
she lost 2

Notice that brown/gown rhyme? Sweet.

And this entry, or poem:

"Mike Douglas"

we played golf
on a course near his home
a club he belonged to

sweet kind funny loving
a dreamed up dad
picture perfect

he sang during lunch
talked about totie
and merv

beautiful 2 day
here on the hudson
some saw a manatee
imagine

a 4 ft sturgeon
knocked 23 yr old man
off his jet ski in florida

an 800 lb blue marlin
impaled itself
into the chest of a 35 yr old man
dragged him off the boat
and back into the water

they both lived 2 tell

morgellons disease
on primetime
totally freaked me out
the amputee wanna be people
hard 2 watch
2 c 2 no

the terror plot
level red
we r
y

gatorade evian and a disposable camera
props
a foiled plot
they saved us just in time

be afraid america
london calling
collect

------

Notice how it begins with her reminiscence of Mike Douglas but suddenly turns to fish-vs.-man disasters and then terrorist plots. That's how it's gonna be on "The View," folks. Stream of consciousness. It almost makes it worth watching. But there's just something so damn ... womany about "The View."