Good news is no news

Katie Couric speaks to the Washington Post’s media analyst Howard Kurtz today (registration may be required), and it may be time to start worrying about the future of CBS News.

Much of what Couric says to Kurtz – if not all of it – is the same sort of rhetoric she delivered last month during the TV Press Tour in Pasadena. But when you look hard at what she’s saying, you have to wonder, is this the person you want running your signature newscast?

"Sometimes when you watch the evening news, it's all gloom and doom -- and some of it has to be, because the world is a complicated and pretty scary place right now," Couric told Kurtz. "But there has to be a place for more hopeful stories."

“Gloom and doom?� “The world is a complicated and pretty scary place right now?� Did someone just apprise her of that fact? I guess what’s most worrisome about that quote is how tamped-down it feels, how pre-chewed and processed so that even particularly dim people can relate to it. Is she going to be that condescending to viewers when she delivers the news?

Apparently. Before appearing at press tour, Couric embarked upon a cross-country tour to divine from ordinary citizens what they thought about the evening newscasts. And guess what? People find the news too depressing.

So Couric’s going to fix that for them: "It's not going to be smiley-face happy news," she promises Kurtz, but, on the other hand, "They're not all going to be super-heavy.�

Again, “smiley-face happy?� “Super-heavy?� Aren’t news anchors supposed to speak with something approaching authority rather than sounding like they’re carrying a pacifier for their viewers?

And what’s up with these crybabies who apparently want newscasts skewed to mollify them rather than inform them? They sound suspiciously like the people who vote based on which candidate they'd want to have a beer with rather than which candidate has a firm grasp of the issues: “Oh, boo-hoo-hoo, I didn’t pay any attention to the issues before I voted, and now that things are really tilting toward Armageddon, I don’t want to hear about it at all! Can’t you just run stories about animal rescue shelters and Brangelina and Botox?�

And Couric’s response: “Good evening: Tonight in Baghdad, an adorable, wide-eyed 4-year-old girl was pulled, relatively unscathed, from the rubble after a blast that killed 28, including most of the rest of her family. CBS News has decided to send her a giant pink plush bunny – and matching Kevlar vests for her and her new best friend. Coming up next: What the heck’s up with all this online poker?�