Up against the Roeper

While Roger Ebert recovers from surgery, it has been announced that noted film historian Jay Leno will replace him in the balcony for a week on "Ebert & Roeper." Slacker auteur and noted visual stylist (ahem) Kevin Smith ("Clerks II") will follow him in the second week of Ebert's recuperation, with other people (including an actual critic or two) being considered for future installments.

A show about about movie criticism without any movie critics? Brilliant!

It's been apparent for quite some time that that show isn't about film criticism anymore. Bringing in Roeper, who isn't a film critic (but plays one on TV), was like having that weasly little Alan Colmes as the voice of the "left" on Fox News Channel's "Hannity and Colmes" -- it's simply intended to make ultraconservative Sean Hannity look better. And so Ebert's ego is assuaged because he's assured to look like he knows what he's talking about compared to his little sidekick.

Of course, if the big cheese and his ego are gone, no one's gonna watch Roeper flail about on his own. So naturally they have to tart it up with celebrities. Which, in the end, only serves to feed Ebert's ego (which, while bedridden, remains healthy) all the more: It takes someone with the stature of Jay Leno to replace Roger.

Those two big thumbs are up, all right -- someone's backside.