David Kronke: Introducing the next mega-catastrophe

You know when you hear about some upcoming film project and all you can do is shake your head and, with a rueful smile, wonder: What are they thinking? Something that everyone realizes is a stupendous blunder -- everyone, that is, except the studio head greenlighting the thing?

The latest is a big-budget remake of the '80s TV melodrama "Dallas" (OK, officially it ran from 1978 to 1991, but it defined the Me Decade), starring (tentatively) John Travolta as villainous oilman/infamous bullet receptacle J.R. Ewing and Jennifer Lopez as his boozing wife Sue Ellen. Luke Wilson and Shirley MacLaine are also said to be cast. The director will be Robert Luketic, whose films "Monster-in-Law" and "Win a Date With Tad Hamilton" have been decided non-starters and whose only success, "Legally Blonde," cruised solely on Reese Witherspoon's delightfully ditzy performance.

"I heard Larry [Hagman] approved of me.," Travolta confided to "ET" clone "Extra!" today. "It was sweet, giving his seal of approval.� Well, what else is he going to say: "Don't tell me things like that, I already have a bum heart?" Such a response certainly wouldn't score him that cameo appearance he's so clearly angling for.

"Dallas" so clearly was a product of its era (remember those shoulder pads Linda Gray and Victoria Principal used to wear, which they had to have swiped from some Cowboys linebackers during a furtive visit to their locker room?) that it's hard to imagine it brought up to date. And it's one of those shows that, if you look back on it, was pretty stupid and makes you feel dumb for having been taken in.

Online stories about this film include such phrases "Before you declare the project doomed . . ." and "In the 'say it isn't so' news category . . ."

So of course they'll have to do "Who Shot J.R." or even the people who might want to see this will feel ripped off, but the buildup and resolution for that storyline took the better part of a season or so, and a movie like this can't exceed two hours. What other dastardly deeds will they fit in there beyond that?

Maybe all this will turn out to be a bad dream.